Having difficult conversations4/28/2023 ![]() The mere thought of having these difficult conversations fills you with anxiety, and distracts you from other work. There are certain conversations all leaders dread: the ones in which we have to deliver bad news, discuss a sensitive or “political” subject, or talk about a project or meeting that’s gone wrong. ![]() Someone has to talk to him before this whole situation blows up. There’s no way we’re going to meet the deadline for producing the report our boss promised the Board - we just don’t have the data yet. The new hire worked all night on the presentation, but there were big mistakes in it, and I’ve got to tell her before she makes them again. We’re their biggest client - and I know it will be devastating. The words and actions we use can reveal a variety of thoughts and emotions, from love or excitement to anger and resentfulness.I have to tell one of my long-standing suppliers that we’re cutting back orders 50%. Whether it is with a friend, a co-worker, a neighbor or a family member, focusing on the benefits of reconciliation may give you the boost you need to work through the problems.Ĭommunication is what connects all relationships. Each day that passes causes detachment for those involved and is a breeding ground for further misunderstandings.Īlso, remember the value of the relationship. Try to agree on what the specific problem is, and then explore options to meet each person’s needs.Īvoiding conversations that may be difficult – because of hurt feelings or angry words spoken – may cause more problems. In resolving conflicts, focus on one issue or one complaint at a time. Remember the value of the relationship.Being listened to and, more importantly, being heard is a fundamental need we all have. Working toward mutual understanding and respect is the goal, in the midst of differing opinions. Sometimes agreeing to disagree is the only option. Ask questions to clarify their position or opinion.ĭon’t get caught up in a trap if the other person is playing games, by going around and around trying to prove who is right. Try to withhold any judgment and do not interrupt while you are hearing all the facts and understanding his or her perspective. Perhaps one of the most precious and powerful gifts we can give another person is to really listen to them, to listen with quiet, fascinated attention, with our whole being, fully present. Discussions invariably end on the same note they begin. Soften your next oppositional conversation, and if possible, begin it on a positive note. His research reveals that 96 percent of the time, you can predict the outcome of a 15-minute conversation based on the first three minutes of the interaction.Īlso, when sharing your opinion or request, use “I” statements as opposed to “You” statements, which only point out the problems and bad behavior you feel the other person has.įor example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me” or “You always do (this or that),” say something like, “I feel frustrated/confused/not appreciated when (this) happens.”īeing sarcastic and using the terms “always” or “never” are likely to cause immediate defensiveness. Making a critical remark off the bat will only cause the other person to be defensive. Psychologist John Gottman suggests using a “soft start-up” to prevent major arguments when differences are present by bringing up problems gently and without blame. When discussions lead off in a negative and accusatory way, it can make things worse instead of better. 2) Soften the conversation during difficult conversations Practice being calm, as your tone of voice is also crucial in keeping difficult conversations from heading toward a heated confrontation. Remember that 80 percent of your communication will be non-verbal. It may take some courage to speak up and have a difficult conversation with someone, so practicing with a supportive friend may be helpful.īe convincing with your body language and your words. It is best to speak directly with the other person involved.Īsk for a time that is convenient for them and agree to talk in person. Let’s say you have had a disagreement, a misunderstanding or even an argumentative fight with someone, and you want to resolve it. Here are four crucial communication skills and steps that will help you manage a difficult conversation without detrimental confrontation. How we deal with these tough moments, in our actions and our language, is important – not only to maintain healthy relationships with others but also to preserve our own peace of mind and self-esteem. These are just a few signs of relationships and conversations that are on the verge of explosion. Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)ĭifficult conversations can lead to anxiety, among many other things.Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window).Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window).
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